everything you wanted to know about sri lanka ( but were afraid to ask)

(from an e mail doing the rounds )

Q: Does it ever get windy in Sri Lanka? I have never seen it rain in Sri Lanka on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see wild elephants on the streets? (USA)
A: Depends how much you have been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Colombo to Matara - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure. It's only a hundred miles. Take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around the Wanni in Sri Lanka? (Ireland)
A: So it's true what they say about the Irish.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Sri Lanka? Can you send me a list of them in Colombo, Galle, Kandy, Kurunegala, Matara and Anuradhapura? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Sri Lanka? USA)
A: Africa is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Sri Lanka is that small island south of India in the Indian Ocean. Sure, the hippo racing is every Thursday near Diyawanna Oya. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is Jaffna? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Sri Lanka? (UK)
A: Absolutely not. Just use your fingers and toes like we do.

Q: Heard Brian Adams and MLTR were in SL. Can you send me the entertainment schedule? ( USA)
A: Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Thursday by the Diyawanna Oyastraight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Sri Lanka? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Colombo and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. Try Arrack instead.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Sri Lanka who can dispense Ratlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All Sri Lankan snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. Some even become politicians.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Sri Lanka, but I forget its name. It's a kind of huge animal that is dressed and taken in pagents. (USA)
A: It's called an Elephant. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Do you have perfume in Sri Lanka? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Sri Lanka? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in the Western Province where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Germany)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs in Negombo.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Sri Lanka? (Italy)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: I was in Sri Lanka in 1999 on R+R and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in an apartment at Liberty Plaza. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. Try the eight floor at the same place.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (Germany)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

da vinci code and sri lanka's bishops

"the da vinci code" movie has been banned in sri lanka. today's news papers report that the president acted on a request made by the catholic bishops for the censorship. a pal of mine ( catholic) says that some churches are conducting novinas against the harmful effects of the movie. another ( pentecostal) told me that the ban is a good thing.

from all discerning accounts the movie is as bad a piece of cinema as the book is a terrible work of literature. in my book, the decision by the church is an acknowledgement that they are loosing ground and a reflection of muddled and short term thinking. i watched a guy from opus dei being interviewed on tv the other day and he said that all this fuss ( whilst with some merit) was an opportunity for discussion and openness.

by banning the film the reverend authorities give the impression that they have something to hide. i remember reading the other book " holy blood, holy grail" in the 80's, much better writing to which there was not a whisper of protest. here's the thing - i, and no doubt thousands of others in sri lanka, are still going to see what the fuss is all about on dvd / vcd or vcr. and because of the ban some may think that the silly story has merit.

it's a funny thing but on the way to the forum the world turned fundamentalist. watch out sri lanka, madonna is next.

american idol

so, the two cents wannabe, taylor hicks, is the new american idol. taylor has most of the two cent musical genes. those spastic moves remind one of the attempts at break dancing ( two cents once had to be gently untangled from a particularly limb / pot interlocking spin) whilst the grey cap and general looks lends one to question if a dna check was worthwhile. in the negative column is the singing. even his best of friends will admit that two cents stands some ways back from taylor in this department.

63 million americans voted last night and seacrest reflected that this was more numbers than voted for an american president. that does say something about the untied states of america and it's politics in general.

belief in the american power for global good has never been this low. even in america, bush's popularity is at it's lowest. here, the american public are passing the buck as the american president is merely delivering what he promised and what they voted for. the eroding of cherished american ideals of rights and freedom for individuals under a barrage of acts, cloaked within the need to protect themselves against terrorism, does not auger well for the rest of the world. in our part of the world where these democratic concepts are more nebulous, the ease at which the bastion of free world is bending the rules gives us less hope for the advancement of our systems of government and accountability.

our idols are those we think could be us, with a bit of work. the reality is that taylor hicks of this world are no different to any of us. we just like to think they are.

the big blue

for those having withdrawal symptoms from the non updating of the mbb, my apologies. what with first quarter endings, travel down under, melting polar caps and low level war ( not to mention cartoons and da vinci codes), the zest for blogging has somewhat waned. the blues it seems are now global, not merely particular to this site and the blurring of differentiation has taken the edge off your olde scribe. what's with the world we live in?

it is said that at any point in time the issues that faced the globe were as critical as at any other point. it only varied in scale and impact. it is also said that it has never been a better time to be alive than right now. However, this cliche too could be applied to any point in time, no? the issues that face us are now more wide spread in effect and many are global. so, the war in sri lanka engulfs the entire nation and obliquely other nations like india ( not forgetting the norwegians), global warming and america's war on iraq ( not forgetting religious righteousness) effects the entire world.

one effect of globalization is the butterfly effect i.e. the concept that a butterfly beating it's wings deep inside a tropical rain forest in the amazon causes a chain of events resulting in a typhoon in taiwan. and yet, more than 400 years ago john donne wrote

"no man is an island, entire of itself;

everyman is a piece of the continent, a part of the main."